


Let us be happy

by enoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Established James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Good Peter Pettigrew, M/M, Multi, POV Remus Lupin, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Queer Character, Queer Themes, polyamorous family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:27:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enoon/pseuds/enoon
Summary: Forget about canon. Peter was not a traitor, Potters didn't die on Halloween '81, the war with Dark Lord ended differently.Marauders are trying to live their best life, raise Harry, be happy. This is mostly fluff with some self-discovery, mutual pining, sexy times, a bit of plot, and a lot of love and respect for each other.POV Remus.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be explaining the details of this AU and how it's different from canon as we go. 
> 
> Please note that I'm going for a polyamorous relationship in a long term not for the thrill of a threesome/foursome.

**January 1983**

"You'll be alright, won't you?"

Remus watched both Sirius and James roll their eyes. Funny enough, he wanted to do the same but wouldn't dare to. Lily needed reassurance, and he intended to give it to her.

"We've done it before, Lily, you know we are capable of being responsible adults."

"Last time it was barely a weekend!" she pointed out, her voice even higher than usual.

He wasn't doing a very good job, apparently. Reassurance, reassurance. Should he hug her? Merlin, why wasn't James doing anything or saying something that would calm Lily down a bit? Talk about being a supportive husband.

Remus touched her shoulder tentatively, and Lily all but threw herself into his body, letting him pat her back and stroke her hair. He remembered how this was something they used to do when they were children and how comforting it was for both of them, how James would get all jealous and pain-in-the-ass-y about it even though Lily couldn't stand him back then. Everything had changed and nothing really did.

"Nothing will happen to Harry, I promise," Remus whispered into Lily's ear. "We have your instructions all written down, don't we? And we've been around enough to know his favourite toys, what he likes and doesn't like, and how impossible he gets when it's time to eat or sleep. We won't be idiots around him, you know we won't. Now, take your husband and get out of here, have fun in southern hemisphere. Relax, catch some waves, swim in the ocean, have sex."

She chuckled and pinched his side a bit. "Don't even think about having sex in our bed, you animals."

"We'll visit your place just to test out your bed."

"Fuck you, Remus Lupin!" she laughed, freeing herself from his embrace.

"I'll make sure of it," said Sirius. Lily kissed his cheek briefly and turned to face James.

"Finally, I receive some attention from my own wife!" James smiled. "Ready to go? Good. Bye Moony, bye Pads. I'll kill you both if anything happens to my son. Love you."

And with that, they took Floo powder, stepped into the fireplace one after the other, and disappeared. On their way to their first holiday as a married couple, the honeymoon they didn't allow themselves before because of war and death and constant danger to the people they loved. There was no war now, it was finally time to live.

Sirius hugged Remus from behind, put his head on Remus's shoulder. Said: "You sure we are not going to fuck this up? I'm terrified of this babysitting thing. Maybe Molly was a better choice after all."

"He is your godson, it's your job. And mine. Stop this nonsense, we'll do just fine. It's just for ten days anyway."

"You realize that if we are good at it, they'll figure out they can get out more frequently and they'll make it a regular thing, right?"

"It's been five minutes, and you are already complaining."

Sirius only shrugged his shoulders. 

***

They fucked up on the very first walk in the park the following day. From Harry's perspective though, they fucked up when they tried to make things better and not when they let him run around a playground with almost no supervision. No one could say when or where or what exactly had happened but Harry now had a scar on his forehead. They did not notice the cut immediately, which was understandable: try to notice blood on a black winter hat. Try to notice that something is wrong with a two-and-a-half-years-old child when he is laughing and running as if everything is fine and having fun and does not show any signs that something is wrong.

Try to heal a simple cut on the said child's forehead when this is somehow the most treasured thing for that disaster of a kid. Harry threw a tantrum when they tried to help him. Remus had never felt that helpless in his entire life. They barely convinced Harry to clean the wound. Healing it was a crime in Harry's book.

Sirius was able to check with a spell that Harry did not have a concussion but that was all consolation they've got. Just a cut that would leave a scar. Easy to heal at any moment, really, so it wasn't the end of the world but it sure as hell felt like it.

That night, when Harry was finally asleep, they sat on the couch in their living room and had a bottle of Firewhiskey.

"If we heal it, Harry will hate us. If we don't, Lily and James will hate us. Merlin, Moony, what do we do?"

"Try our best for the remaining nine days?"

"We are never agreeing to this ever again, you hear me?"

"It's not that bad, Sirius, stop being dramatic."

***

Leaving Sirius alone with Harry for the entirety of Monday was harder than he expected. They both knew Remus had university classes he couldn't miss, not with him being a wolf once a month and missing a fair share of lectures and seminars that way. That morning they stayed in bed as long as they were allowed to, and Remus promised Sirius everything will be alright. He kissed him, and touched him, and bit his neck playfully, and whispered nonsense in his ear.

"Food?" asked Harry's sleepy voice.

Remus froze, his lips around Sirius's ear. He looked at the door to their bedroom where Harry was standing, his curious eyes fixed on two naked man.

"We are doing a great job, Moony, we are so fucking amazing at being babysitters, I can't—" Sirius laughed underneath him.

"Go to the kitchen, Harry, we'll be there in a moment."

"Uh-huh."

"I think he walked on his parents before," Remus said, looking at the doorway where Harry was just a moment ago. "His tone was so— so knowing."

"Do you think he understands? At this age?"

"He understands we are together in the same way his parents are."

"We are not though, are we?" Sirius was bitter. Remus kissed him one last time and got up.

Being attentive at classes that day was near impossible.

***

On Wednesday afternoon Harry uttered something that sounded a lot like "fuck", and both Remus and Sirius realized there was a completely new kind of terrifying to their babysitting experience. Harry somehow understood that this word was out of limits and started saying it more and more. He incorporated it in his play-pretends so smoothly that Remus knew for sure that it would not be possible to hide this from Lily and James.

They tried to explain that this was a bad word but it only made it more appealing to Harry. They begged him not to use it. They tried to bribe him with sweets. They tried to bargain. It was all fruitless.

"Are our walls _that_ thin? How, in Merlin's name, did he pick it up?" Sirius asked when they were getting ready to sleep that night.

"The fuck do I know?" Remus said and bit his lip. "Yeah, maybe this answers it. We are just swearing too much and have no filters whatsoever."

"Get ready to be killed by our best friends, darling."

"There is something so shakespearean about it."

"Do explain. Not sure I know what you mean."

They fell asleep long after midnight.

***

On Thursday they had Peter come over with a lot of delicious food. Harry climbed all over him and tried to bit his ear off.

"What's up with the scar?" Peter asked curiously. "You forgot all healing spells or what?"

"It's a new look. Fashion, if you will. It's very trendy to have a scar on you face this season, have you not known?" Sirius gave Harry an accusatory look and Harry showed him his tongue.

"What Sirius is trying to say is Harry likes his scar and doesn't want us to heal it. Hence, this."

"Lily will not be pleased," Peter pointed out.

"She'll have to deal with it."

"What Sirius is trying to say is... well, yeah, she'll have to deal with it. It kinda looks like a lightning bolt, which is not that lame. Could've been worse."

"And it could be removed any time, right?" asked Peter. "It's not like it's a dark curse, so not that much trouble."

Harry burst into tears at that, and in his incomprehensible muttering the "fuck" was so clear it made all three of them jump.

"You guys," Peter laughed, "oh, you are so—"

"We know, Wormtail, we know."

***

On Friday morning Harry was crying non-stop, throwing his toys at the walls, and asking for his mother. He did ask for his parents before that as well, but it usually was just a quiet cry before sleep. Remus and Sirius were taking turns trying to calm him down, and Remus knew he couldn't leave Sirius alone on this day. Fuck university classes.

They had two days before all of this was over and Lily and James were coming back from their vacation. Remus thought it would be the longest two days of his life.

"Should we take him back to their house? Do you think it will help?" Remus asked as he watched Sirius cradle Harry in his arms. "Being in his own room, familiar smells and all that."

"We can try that, yes. Can you pack his things? And our things as well?"

In less than an hour they were standing in Potter's living room and not knowing what to do next. Harry was still crying and crying and crying. The empty silent house suddenly seemed as a huge mansion even though it really wasn't that big. Remus took Harry from Sirius and went upstairs to Harry's room. It was a nice room, much nicer than the one they'd prepared for him at their place. Remus wondered if Harry even felt at home at their place at all. Maybe they should've stayed here from the very beginning. After all, there was a guest room they could've occupied.

Harry calmed down a bit, and in about half an hour Remus noticed that the child cried himself to sleep in his arms. He put Harry in his bed and stayed a bit longer to make sure he wasn't waking up.

In the kitchen Sirius was preparing some sandwiches for them to eat. Harry had breakfast but they didn't have a chance to eat before the crying had started, and it was closer to launch time now. They were hungry and tired.

"He is asleep, thank Merlin" Remus whispered. Rationally, he knew Harry wasn't able to hear them from upstairs, but he was so used to their tiny place that he couldn't break the habit that had formed over the past week.

"How do Lily and James do this all the fucking time? It's exhausting."

"No idea, Pads."

"We are not having kids, you hear me? We are not doing this shit. Ever."

"It's not like we have the option," Remus said, eyes closed. "And anyway, it can be fun. Sometimes."

"We have Harry, that's as much fun as I'm willing to agree to," Sirius touched his hand. "You don't want kids, Moony, do you? Please say we are on the same page here."

"Harry is more than enough."

Sirius kissed his temple. "Please eat. You look worse than on the full moon."

***

It was late Friday evening when Peter's Patronus found them playing with Harry on the floor of the living room.

"You bastards, are you alive or what? Where the fuck are you?"

Harry laughed at that. It was the first time he laughed that day. Remus sent his Patronus back saying they were staying at Potters'. Peter fell out the fireplace in less than a minute.

"You! I was scared to death! Why didn't you say anything?!"

"What are you on about?"

Peter shoved a newspaper in Remus's hands and another one in Sirius's. The one that Remus had was a muggle one with static photos, while Sirius was staring at the Daily Prophet. Both depicted the same scene though: an aftermath of some sort of explosion. It took them a moment to realize they were looking at what used to be their apartment.

"What happened?" Remus asked, terrified. "Muggles say it was an explosion caused by a gas leak."

"Ours speculates that it's a work of uncaught Death Eaters," Sirius said dryly. "The hell?"

"I've been there, aurors say there is a bunch of residual magic that children usually..." Peter glanced at Harry.

"He was crying all day but it wasn't..." Remus closed his eyes for a moment trying to remember what it felt like in the morning. "It didn't feel as an outburst. Maybe a little. Not enough to do _that_."

"Anyone got hurt?" asked Sirius.

"Not that I know of, no," said Peter. "I'll find Moody, he should have answers for you. Thank Merlin you are okay, guys."

He left. They were quiet for a long-long time before Sirius finally spoke: "We were making breakfast when everything went to hell, weren't we?"

"You think we've left the stove on?"

"I mean... it makes more sense than everything else, doesn't it?"

"An explosion though, not just a fire. We don't use gas, we use magic, Pads. And there are protective spells all over the place."

"Which would explain why other apartments are fine. Whatever happened, the spells helped to prevent it from spreading."

Peter sent them another Patronus to let them know that Moody was going to visit them the next morning. They went to sleep earlier that night, because Harry was asking to sleep with them and wouldn't get in his own bed. He fell asleep listening to a story about Animagi who were friends with a wolf.

***

Moody confirmed what Peter had said about children's magic but also assured them it wasn't the child's fault. It was, indeed, the fire they forgot to put out before leaving the place. The way he explained it did make some sense to them but also not really. Residual magic of a distressed child was flying around the bubble that was their tiny apartment protected by spells and, eventually, it found the forgotten fire in the kitchen. "And boom" he said as if it was something funny.

There was nothing funny about their life together disappearing in a fire. Remus's notes for uni classes, their photos, Lily's birthday present, Harry's drawings. Almost everything that they've owned. The ring Sirius had bought for Remus around the same time James proposed to Lily. Remus never said yes and so the ring was just lying in their bedroom waiting for him to be ready. Maybe it was still there, it could've survived the fire. They didn't have it in them to go visit the place that used to be their home.

They spent the Saturday throwing snowballs in the garden and drinking cocoa, quietly crying during Harry's afternoon nap, kissing each other as if they were getting ready to die today. Tomorrow morning Lily and James would be home and they would see Harry's scar and hear him swear, and they'd learn that their idiots of friends don't have an apartment anymore.

They didn't know whether a Patronus would reach their friends in Australia but they did sent one to them saying they were staying in Potters' house. An owl was not an option but maybe a Patronus would do. If not... There was a chance of their friends showing up at their ruined apartment and having a fright of their life. Remus and Sirius didn't know what to do about this.

Once again they fell asleep with Harry between them.

***

"Responsible adults, my ass!" Lily's voice woke them up.

Remus opened his eyes to find his friends standing near their bed. Furious, they were furious but also worried. Harry cried out "Ma!" and his foot kicked Remus in the side when the boy tried to get out of bed. James hopped into the bed in place of his son and found himself in between his best friends.

"So..." he said. "What were you up to while we were on holiday?"

"Be nice to them, James. Kill them but be gentle," Lily said on her way out of the room, Harry in her arms.

"You know, don't you, Prongs? Please tell me you didn't go there first."

"Oh, we did, Sirius, we did just that. Thank Merlin for Wormtail. We found his note there saying that you three are fine and here."

"We send you a Patronus..."

"Apparently, they don't go that far."

"We haven't thought about a note..."

"I've gathered that much. You owe Wormtail your life, you know? Because if it wasn't for his note I'd be killing you right now. Imagine..."

"We know, Prongs, we know," Remus said and felt tears running down his cheeks.

James hugged him briefly and then turned around to hug Sirius. "You are staying here as long as you need to. Do not argue with me. You are staying."


	2. Chapter 2

**March 1983**

He was bound to walk in on his friends being intimate with each other sooner or later but he did not anticipate it would be on the morning of his birthday. Granted, it was five in the morning, and so they probably thought everyone else was still asleep... as did Remus just a moment ago.

Lily was lying on the kitchen table covered in flour and whatever else it was, her legs up on James's shoulders, James's hands on her hips. Lily was clearly enjoying his ritmic thrusts and she was definitely not quiet but Remus couldn't hear a thing. Well, at least they were thoughtful and silenced the room to not wake up the whole house.

But Remus was already up and ravenous. He froze in the doorway just for a second, making up his mind and trying to disappear without his friends noticing him, but it was too late. Lily turned her head and saw him standing there like an idiot. She said something to James and he stopped what he was doing.

The silence of the room disappeared in a moment.

"Shit, Remus, we are so sorry!" James said picking up his pajamas. Lily _accio_ -ed her clothes from the floor.

"No, it's... I'm sorry, I was just..." Remus tried to use his hand to explain that he was just looking for some food.

"Oh fuck, happy birthday!" Lily laughed, almost hysterically. "We were baking a cake for you. Oh my—"

She giggled and hid her face in her hands.

"You hungry? There are some leftovers from yesterday if you want," James gestured to the fridge. "I'm gonna head out to—"

"Yeah, um—"

He had to walk in the kitchen to get food but he couldn't make himself move.

"Merlin, Moony, stop it. We are all adults here. Come in and have your early breakfast!" James pushed him into the kitchen on his way to the bathroom.

"We promise not to use the kitchen this way anymore," Lily mumbled while looking for a plate for him.

"It's your house, you don't—"

"Ugh, Remus, it's also yours for as long as you want, so—" she placed the plate with spaghetti on the table and used her wand to reheat it. Her cheeks were red. "Probably better take the food into the dining room, you know. It's a mess here."

"It is."

"Shut up."

Remus finally laughed. He glanced at Lily who was watching him all this time.

"Are we good?" she asked.

"Better."

"Who needs cake when they witnessed such a performance early in the morning, huh?"

"You flatter yourself, princess."

"Fuck off."

***

By eight everyone in the house—Sirius, Peter, and Harry—knew of the incident. Harry most definitely did not understand the details of it all, but he giggled when everyone else did. Sirius was hysterical when he heard. Remus couldn't comprehend why on Earth James thought it was a good idea to discuss their morning encounter at all, but okay, fine, he was going to tell Sirius anyway. Peter, though?

They had some friends coming over in the evening, and Remus made everyone swear that their friends from the Order were not going to hear about the encounter.

"Just Alice and Frank, right?" Lily asked, all innocence.

"You know, I'm not the one who should be embarrassed by this," Remus pointed out. "If you want to tell everyone, do it. I don't care."

"You do, though. For some reason," Sirius whispered in his ear. And then, louder: "I would never thought it'd be this fun teasing you about something that has almost no relation to you."

"Well, I was there—"

"Well, not really _there_ —"

"You know what I mean, Merlin, you all act like kids!"

"Yeah!" Harry agreed enthusiastically.

***

It was a good birthday, much better than the one last year. Last year the war still felt too close even though it was technically over by that time. There were a lot of processes happening, Death Eaters being caught and sentenced to lifetimes at Azkaban. It didn't feel safe to celebrate and have fun. It did this year.

They were drinking and playing stupid games. Harry was visiting the Burrow, Nevill was left with his grandmother. No kids for the evening, only the people he fought side by side with. All of them knew who he was and they still chose to be close to him. It warmed his heart, having these people in his life. He said as much whenever he had a sip of his drink. By the end of the evening they were so tired of him being all sentimental and lovely, so they would come up with something funny to say whenever he was going to announce his love for them, and it was all giggles and laughter and happy tears.

By the time the guests left, they were so drunk they were barely able to sit, let alone stand. Lily fumbled under the couch and pulled out five small bottles of potion for each of them.

"To sober up," she explained. 

Peter didn't stay long after that. The four of them were left sitting in a dimly lit living room, listening to popular muggle tunes on the radio. It was a good quiet moment, so domestic it hurt.

***

That night, when there was no trace of alcohol in their bodies and sleep was taking over, Remus was lying in their bed feeling Sirius's hands all over him.

"What do you want?" asked Sirius. "It's your birthday today."

"Yesterday."

"Still today"

"Dunno."

Sirius bit his shoulder lightly. "Moony, come on, tell me what are you thinking about."

Remus chuckled. "You wouldn't like it."

"Why?"

He was quiet for a while. It was a weird conversation to have but he felt he wanted to spill out the thing that was bothering him the whole day. It was the right thing to do.

"It was so hot, Pads," he finally uttered.

"What was? I don't follow."

"Them. In the morning."

Remus closed his eyes. He felt safe saying this out loud but he also felt shame, the need to hide himself, to pretend he wasn't there. Sirius placed a kiss in the corner of his lips.

"It was?"

"I've just said it was."

"You gonna tell me?"

Remus opened one of his eyes to look at Sirius. "You want to hear what exactly?"

"I've only heard the funny version of it, not the hot one. Tell me the hot one."

Both their hearts were racing. "They are our friends, Pads. The people who let us under their roof."

"Are you guilt-tripping me or yourself, hm?"

"Both," Remus answered honestly. "I don't know, Pads. It's just—" he found Sirius's hand and laced their fingers together. "I can admit I liked watching them but I don't think it's the right thing to do to—whatever it is you want me to do."

"It's ok. If you don't want to, we can forget about it ever happening."

"No, don't."

"I'm not following once again," Sirius admitted.

"I want you to remember that I liked it. I don't think it was because it was Lily and James. Just other people. There. Being intimate. I liked it."

"Got it," said Sirius. "Do you want to sleep now or—"

"Sleep. Sex in the morning, I promise."

Sirius laughed. "Oh yeah, in this house we love morning sex."

***

**June 1983**

No one was asking them to move out. Still, they were looking for a new place for themselves. They wanted a place with no almost-three-year-old kids running around and no other people, no matter how loved and lovely.

Sirius was insisting on buying another property for them. Remus was constantly reminding him that he barely had any money to contribute, to which Sirius would say: "Marry me and shut up."

"Legally, we just cannot do it," Remus would say over and over again.

"Forget law, just do it."

Harry was listening on their conversations and got curious. He started asking questions about them and marriage. They tried their best to explain it but it wasn't clear whether or not he understood. Lily and James were convinced that Harry could understand at least some of it. Probably not all of it. Not yet.

Harry liked them though. He liked falling asleep in their laps, he liked Sirius's bedtime stories and Remus's cocoa. He'd kiss them goodnight, tell them his secrets, and ask to spend time with them. Harry always called them by their nicknames. He also remembered that his cool scar was obtained during his adventures under their supervision, he was delighted about it, which annoyed Lily a bit too much.

"Do you think it will be okay when we move out? With Harry, I mean," Sirius asked one evening.

"It's not like we are going to disappear from his life, are we?"

"Of course not, but it won't be the same."

"We can look for a place here in Godric's Hollow."

"It's pricy."

Remus smiled. "Make up your mind. Yesterday you were promising me all the money in the world."

"Are you with me for the money, then?" Sirius pretended to be offended. "How dare you, Remus Lupin!"

***

No houses were being sold in Godric's Hollow at that moment, and they both agreed to wait a bit longer. They both checked in with James and Lily that it was still okay that they were living with them. It was.

In the end of the month Dumbledore gathered the Order to request their help on a rather secret matter. It wasn't urgent, he said, but it was dangerous. He understood, he said, that not everyone would want to abandon their peaceful lives and dive into an unknown danger, but if someone wanted to, he'd appreciate the help. He was very vague but one thing was clear: it was about the Dark Lord.

"You want to help him, don't you?" Sirius asked later, when they were alone. "I can see it."

"Don't you?"

"I mostly don't want to be left here alone."

Remus smiled. "Oh come on. You want to put your auror training to some use, I know you do."

"Maybe. We are doing it then?"

***

The next time they met Dumbledore, he asked them whether or not they ever heard about Horcruxes.


	3. Chapter 3

**October 1983**

Remus was in charge of putting Harry to sleep that day. In the midst of all four of them helping Dumbledore with Horcruxes, Sirius and Remus still searching for a new place, Lily starting her education at the Healer Academy, Remus taking the last semester of courses on Dark Creatures, and James taking on a minor job as an Auror for reasons no one could comprehend, the shift in their domestic life had happened. No one asked them to babysit Harry but they did.

"We can send him to Molly," Lily was reminding them at first.

"This kid has four adults in his life, five if you count Wormtail. Really, Lily, it's not a problem, I'll watch him today," Remus had said the first time something unexpected disrupted their routine.

"I feel bad. We agreed, I mean James and I, we agreed that we wouldn't be using you that way just because you live here."

"Very honorable of you. Now get out, I'm watching Harry today, end of discussion."

That was in September. Now it was October, and they had a new routine. They usually made sure there were at least two adults in the house at all times. It wasn't always possible because their schedules were wild, but one adult was always watching Harry. 

Remus loved that Lily was able to finally get her education now. She did study for a year after school but it was not the best time to be a muggleborn out in the open. She was risking her life for Order and then risking her life just being who she was, it exhausted her. Studying did not bring her any joy back then. She dropped out even before she knew she was pregnant, and she was learning healing spells from older and more experienced Order members. Now it was finally time to get back and start all over again.

Remus told Harry a bedtime story and kissed him goodnight. James was preparing something for them to eat. Remus found him in the kitchen staring at vegetables.

"Salad? We had dinner already so I'm thinking something lighter."

"It's full moon in a few days, I'd eat one more dinner."

"Oh, sure," James used his wand to open the fridge and levitate the lasagna to the table. "Make sure there's something left for Lily, she'll be back in an hour or two. Sirius not coming today, right?"

"No, he said not to wait for him. Dumbledore business."

"He always gets all the fun," James complained. He charmed the knifes to cut the vegetables for him and turned around to look at Remus. "You too, stealing the fun from me and Lily."

"I believe Dumbledore is trying his best to keep you safe."

"Sure, that old fox. Whatever, I'm not really _that_ bothered. Except he made me take on that stupid job, and it's no fun, I'm telling you."

"I still think you didn't have to if you really didn't want to."

"I don't mind. I'm just... Never thought I'd use the training for an actual Auror job, you know? I've always thought it was for the war, nothing else."

"The privilege of not having to work to survive."

James wanted to say something but didn't dare to. They took their plates and went into the living room to eat. They were quietly eating for some time, but finally James spoke again:

"Please don't turn your friends away, Moony. I've heard your discussions with Pads about the house. Let him buy one for the two of you. Let me and Lily help you. Money is just money. Yes, I know, it's easier for me to say because there is a mountain of it left by my parents. No matter how hard I'll try to spend them all, there still will be enough for Harry when he is older, so please don't worry about that. There is only so much we can give you as gifts, you know?"

Remus chuckled at that. "Yeah, I know, you idiots are not subtle at all."

"We try our best."

"I appreciate it, I really do. And I still have money left in my vault, it's not like I'm completely poor. Not at the moment anyway. But there will come a time I'd need to get a job because if I don't, I won't be able to _live_. And I won't be able to get that job because I'm a werewolf and it bothers people."

"Sirius..."

"Will take care of me? Come on, James. How am I to give him gifts? What am I to do if I want to take him on holiday? Or simply make him a dinner with that expensive muggle wine he likes so much? With his own money? Sure, we can spend the good part of his fortune on a house, and survive off what remains. He _can_ get a job and make more money. I don't want to settle for this, I want to _live_ my life. I want to be able to have a job, I want to be able to spend whatever I earn on the man I love."

They were quiet again.

"I probably never heard you say you love him," James chuckled.

"What? You doubted it or—?"

"Of course not, Moony. I've just never heard you say it. Not like this. I don't know what I mean, it's just a nice thing to hear."

"Well, I love him."

There was some commotion at the fireplace, and then they saw Lily in a warm dark-green clock.

"Who loves who? Enlighten me," she said cheerfully.

"Remus just confessed his eternal love for our buddy Pads, can you imagine?"

"How scandalous! Hasn't Pads been dating that other guy for a few years now? Or is it not that serious after all? Remus, are you planning on stealing Padfoot from that other guy?"

"Definitely. True love, you see. It makes me reckless."

Lily laughed and collapsed on the coach. "You are fun, boys, but I'm starving."

James served Lily her dinner, and she talked over her food about the practical lesson they had today at St. Mungo's. Remus made himself some tea and was enjoying this domestic bliss. It was closer to midnight, and they probably should've gone to bed already but Remus was still hoping for Sirius to come home.

He made cocoa for Lily, and then another tea with a splash of Firewhiskey for all of them. James and Lily were sitting on the coach, and he was lying on the floor. It was a good quiet evening even though he was missing Sirius throughout it all.

His friends were getting cozy with each other. Lily was sitting almost in James's lap, his right hand was feeling up her thigh. Remus wondered whether they thought he was half asleep already or didn't think it was such a big deal for him to see them that close. He did see them like that more than once in the Gryffindor common rooms and in the Marauders' bedroom up in the tower, and even like this, as a married couple in their own home. They were always like this as far as he could remember.

But now he was thinking back on how he walked in on them on his birthday, and it made what they were doing feel different, more intimate. They weren't even kissing. James's hand was still there, on Lily's thigh, not doing anything more that caressing. Remus thought that it was probably even worse than them having sex. And by worse he meant better.

They were talking about something but he couldn't concentrate on what they were saying until he heard his name.

"Moony, you asleep?" asked James.

Remus contemplated pretending that he was but then decided against it.

"Nah, can't sleep while Pads is away."

"I can give you a potion," Lily said at the same time as James asked:

"Wanna have a sleepover?"

Remus laughed. "What, like the ones you used to have each full moon before you mastered the art of becoming animals?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Because you are not twelve anymore?" Remus sat up and looked at the Potters.

James shrugged. Lily bit her lip. "Our bed is huge, just saying."

"I bet you would want to have it all for yourselves today."

Remus liked the idea of not sleeping alone today but he also knew his friends wouldn't want him in their bed, not after the whole evening of touching each other like that. He gave them a knowing look, and James actually blushed.

"We'll have a quick shower before, don't worry."

"Too much information, Prongs."

"Is it?" Lily smiled, getting up. "Have a shower too, Remus, and come cuddle us."

"Have you already forgotten about my eternal love for our buddy Pads?" he joked.

"He won't mind," said James.

***

Their bed was, indeed, huge, but Remus found himself in Lily's embrace. Her hair was still a bit wet after the shower, she smelled of mint and something citrus-y.

"If you need a potion to sleep, it's on the bedside table, the blue bottle," she said, almost asleep already. "Goodnight, boys."

Remus looked at James lying beside him. "You okay with this?" Remus asked with a quick nod at Lily, who was breathing evenly on his chest.

"Are you?"

"I guess."

"Then it's fine, isn't it?"

"You tell me, Prongs."

James smiled. Remus couldn't see his smile in the dark but he knew it was there.

"You ever fancied other girls?" James asked.

"W-what?"

"I've always wondered, was it just Lily or do you like both men and women in general? I guess we've never talked about it."

"I'd better not answer this while your wife is sleeping on me, James."

James laughed quietly at that. "Tell me to fuck off if it's really not something you'd want to discuss."

"I don't know, why do _you_ want to?"

"As I've said, I'm wondering."

"About?"

"Identity, I guess. Not sure," he sighed. "Are you comfortable, Moony? With me asking you weird shit, I mean."

"I trust you, Prongs. Really, I do."

"Can you explain it, then? How does it work for you?"

Remus closed his eyes.

"I can try. I don't understand everything about myself, I don't think anyone does. But it's not women, and it's not men either. It's people for me. Just... their personalities, I guess?"

"So you've never felt anything, um, sexual, for a random stranger you barely know?"

"I don't think I ever did."

"Do you... what about the people you know?"

"What about them?"

"Like, if you already know someone, can you... You've said it's personalities, so do you ever experience attraction to someone who is not Padfoot? Or is it exclusively Sirius?"

"I find other people attractive, Prongs. It's... natural, I guess."

"You ever fell for two people at once?"

Remus didn't answer immediately because he really didn't know the answer to this. James didn't give him a chance to answer though: "I wouldn't discuss it with Padfoot, if you were wondering," he said. Remus smiled.

"Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"Can you tell me?"

"Based on how this conversation has started, I'd assume you already know," Remus chuckled and briefly touched Lily's hair. "I did fancy her when we were fourteen or something."

"I was just guessing, actually. So my jealousy back then wasn't groundless after all, was it?"

"I honestly don't know. I mean, we were pretty close but what we mostly discussed at that time was how fucking good a particular seven-year Gryffindor boy looked in a leather jacket."

James considered it for a moment. "Frank Longbottom, really?"

"Don't judge me, Prongs. He was older than us, which automatically made him hotter than anybody else our age. And he was spending his time helping us with Charms, remember? I fell so hard for him, it was depressing."

"And Lily, at the same time?"

"Well, I guess it was at the same time, yes. It's easy to look back from where we are right now and say that that's how it was, but it's also an impossible task. Who knows what is real and what is not? My interpretation of past events changes based on whatever is going on in my life at the moment, so..."

"Wasn't she the first one of us to learn about you?"

"Yep. I told her I liked boys, which is what I thought was going on at the time. Now that I think back on it, I had a massive crash on her when I told her that. Which is entirely your fault, really, Prongs. You were like those muggle sales people who go door to door and try to sell you shit. You were always saying how amazing Lily Evans was, and so we all were bound to have a crash on her at some point. You were really persuasive, you know?"

"She is just _that_ amazing, you can't argue with it."

"I really can't."

"So, was there anything with Frank?"

"Nah, he wasn't interested."

"Anything with Lily?" James whispered playfully.

"Prongs, really, you want to go into this territory? You know very well that there was nothing between us, which is not something you can tell me about Pads, is it?"

"It was ages ago, you are the only one who remembers that ever happened," James laughed. "Sorry, is it something that bothers you?"

"I don't think about it much, to be honest."

"I actually do think about it, sometimes," James said, suddenly serious. "I mean, not like... It's just that it's..."

"Prongs, you better make it make sense, I—"

"It's not what you probably thought of, Moony, come on," he found Remus's hand in the dark. "I've just been analyzing shit and it came to me, something that I somehow failed to notice before: how weird it was that I had that fling with Sirius while so desperately in love with Evans."

"It was weird," Remus agreed. "We've never really talked about you as well, did we? Will you tell me what it's like for you?"

"This is the thing: I'm not entirely sure."

"By which you mean...?"

"Well, it's both men and women, that I'm sure about. But I'm also aware that I can develop feelings for more than one person at once and it's not... it's not about sex, not really. Or—well, I don't know, I've never... beside Sirius, I mean, but then Lily wasn't with me yet, so it's still different."

"I have zero understanding of what you are trying to tell me, Prongs, and it doesn't sound that good."

"Merlin," James said, he took a minute to breathe and continued. "This is not about Sirius, Moony. I don't have feelings for your man, please relax. I'm just saying that I am capable of having feelings for two people at once, and it bothers me. It's not accepted in our society, is it? I have no idea how common this is, how normal. Is there anyone else who'd understand how it feels? It's not unfaithfulness, you know? It's not indecisiveness. It's different. This is what it's all about, really."

"Are you... okay with me hearing this?" Remus suddenly felt terrible. "I don't think you've meant to tell me any of this."

"You are right, I wasn't going to. But you trusted me, and I trust you."

"Thank you, it means a lot. Does Lily know?"

"You bet. She's tired of hearing me whine about this all the time, I imagine."

Remus smiled at that. "Does Sirius know?"

"Well, kinda, but not really. We did discuss our thing once, but I don't think he understood what I meant."

"You know," Remus said, thinking it was as good a time to bring this up as any. "It does bother me that you had whatever it was that you had with Sirius. But it also doesn't. As I've said, I don't think much about it. At least, not anymore. I think it just reminds me of all my insecurities, past and present, which is why I reacted like that."

"Should we continue pretending it never happened? Or maybe it's better to talk it through?"

"Dunno, Prongs." Remus finally felt tired enough to fall asleep. "Anything else you want to discuss today?"

"No, that was plenty."

"Is this why you suggested this sleepover?"

"Maybe."

"Just talking is no longer an option?"

"Cuddling is fun," James answered. "You okay with me getting a bit closer to you?"

"Sure, cuddle me to death."

"You weirdo."

Remus smiled before falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**October 1983 (again)**

It was a Sunday morning the day before Halloween, when Harry said, pointing at Lily: "Ah-n!" And then, as he looked at James:"Two-o-o."

Then he climbed over Sirius and said: "Ri!" Remus waited patiently for Harry to reach him. "Four!" He then pointed at Peter sitting across Remus and said, less confidently this time: "F...Eye?"

"This was very good, Harry," said James. "Who taught you to count?"

"Pady," Harry answered, smiling.

"Thank you, Pady," said James, turning to Sirius. "Finally, he was stubbornly ignoring my attempts to teach him."

"We tried to count his toys last night. To help him fall asleep after he woke up in the middle of the night—"

"He... what?" Lily asked, still not completely awake.

"Well, he came to our room last night. At some point after midnight, I don't remember how late it was. We were still awake, and you two were asleep, so..."

Remus was mostly asleep himself, too, so it was Sirius who had to deal with a slightly terrified child who woke up from a nightmare.

"And you didn't wake us up?"

"Why would I?"

Lily put down the emtpy coffee cup she was holding. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. And thank you, of course, for this. But it's—"

Remus thought he understood perfectly what Lily wanted to say. Less than a year ago Sirius didn't really want to do anything with children. Sure, he was always down for having fun with his godson, but it used to be less parental. And even now, when they had this new arrangement going on to make sure everyone had time to work or study or just relax a little bit, Remus still thought from time to time about Sirius's words that stated, clear as day, that he did not want to become a parent himself. Which, ironically or not, he kind of did become. Remus hadn't brought it up before, not sure what would that conversation be like.

Lily went around the table to Sirius and placed a quick kiss to his cheek. Harry's eyes followed her, and he giggled: "Padys face!"

Remus looked down at Harry. "Are you eating here with me? Or will you go to your seat?"

"Here," he said.

"Not with your parents?"

"You are parents," Harry said, reaching for a spoon.

There was silence. Peter quietly passed Harry's plate to Remus, then his cup. Remus felt the need to hold the child tightly. He lowered his head and breathed in the smell of children's shampoo, then looked up to catch everyone else's eyes on him and Harry. No one said out loud that they probably should talk about this but it was obvious: they should.

***

After breakfast, Peter received a Patronus from Dumbledore asking him to come to Hogsmeade as soon as possible, and so he left them in a hurry, apologizing profusely. "The rat business, you know how it is," he said, something bitter in his voice but with a splash of pride.

"Don't sell him our secrets!" Sirius cried after him.

"I would never, Padfoot!"

"I bet he knows anyway," Lily remarked. "It's highly unlikely that Peter became an Animagus without you two. Dumbledore is not an idiot."

"Let us pretend we tricked him and every other professor, Evans."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Sirius."

They dressed up to spend some time in the garden. Harry was running around, climbing all over the place and talking to himself, and the four of them sat down on benches under an old oak tree.

"We should probably talk," said Sirius.

No one wanted to talk first.

"Are you upset? Mad? Uncomfortable? Don't want us to interfere or be in your way?" Sirius asked, finally. "If I'm honest, it wasn't the first nightmare I've dealt with, he came to us, to me, before."

"You okay with that?" James asked. "You've never wanted kids, and now this."

"Harry is okay," Sirius smiled. "I don't mind if you don't mind."

"I'd never think Sirius Black would be teaching my son how to count," Lily spoke. "Pranking, swearing, being an Animagus, defense magic, style, friendship, how to be a smart ass — whatever, not numbers, for Merlin's sake. I'm just surprised."

"Can we discuss what that, umm, practically means?" Remus asked. "Harry does come to us more often than you probably realize. He asks things. It's simple things now, but he'll be coming up with more elaborate questions soon. What do you want us to do? Talk to him or direct him to you?"

James shrugged. "If he is more comfortable talking to you..."

They were silent for some time. "What will happen if you move out?" Lily asked. "I'm not suggesting you do, but you've been obsessed with finding your own place for months now. Are you still considering Godric's Hollow? I'd want you to not be too far away."

"We can build a hut in your garden," Sirius laughed. "Close enough."

"You actually could," James looked around. "Not a hut, a cottage. In there," he pointed to the corner of the garden, far away from the street. "No need to pay for the land either."

"This is ridiculous, Prongs," Remus said.

"Well, we want you in our life. Harry does too."

"No one builds cottages in winter, do they?" Lily asked, smiling. "We can discuss it again in spring. Meanwhile, what do we do with Harry calling you parents?"

They didn't have any good ideas of what to do with that, so they decided not to do anything for now.

***

That night in bed Remus couldn't stop kissing and touching Sirius. The idea of them being parents was on his mind the whole day, and it excited him. The idea of Sirius being a parent... He was lying to himself when he agreed that he was fine with not having children. He was not. He wanted everything with Sirius, and that everything included them having kids. Eventually. One way or the other.

"It couldn't be close to full moon already," Sirius laughed when Remus bit his neck. "You are this horny only when it's close to full moon."

"It's not true!"

"I'm teasing," Sirius admitted. "It's nice. What's on your mind?"

"You really want to talk about shit right now?"

"I've meant it like: what do you want to do to me today, Moony? But I can absolutely hear you out if there is something you want to talk about."

"Nah," Remus touched Sirius's hair that was so long now that it could almost cover his nipples when he tilted his head a bit.

"You like it?"

Remus was more used to Sirius's shorter, shoulder-length hair but he did like this new look. "It suits you."

He pulled Sirius's hair a little, and Sirius moaned. Sirius's hands found his ass and squeezed it. Remus knew it meant that Sirius wanted Remus to take him today. He personally still didn't know what he wanted. Everything, anything. Sirius. "Patience, Padfoot," he whispered, more to himself than to Sirius.

There was a short knock on the door, and then Lily opened the door: "Boys, I—"

She didn't finish her sentence. She was staring at them being all naked and aroused, with no sheets covering them. Remus felt some animal sound escaping his throat and heard Sirius laugh: "Two down, two to go," and when no one laughed at that, Sirius explained: "I'm still to walk in on Lily and James, and James—on us."

Lily was still standing in the doorframe. Remus realized that nor him, nor Sirius attempted to cover themselves, and so he took one of the pillows within his reach in the hopes that it will cover at least something.

"Sorry?" Lily said, not sounding sorry at all. "I wanted to say Dumbledore is here, he wanted to talk to Sirius."

"Now, really?"

"I can tell him to come in the morning..."

"It must've been urgent if he came here himself."

"James is making him some tea, we will occupy him for a bit, to give you more time," she gestured at them.

"Don't bother," Remus growled.

"Take your time, boys," she blushed.

Remus caught her glancing at him, his brow went up. Lily wasn't leaving. He felt Sirius under him shift a little, his cock still hard.

"Lily?" Sirius asked, his voice small and unsure.

"Yes, Padfoot?" The door behind her closed with a quiet click. She was still in the room with them, and Remus liked it more than he'd want to admit. Ever, to anyone. Sirius knew, though. Sirius could feel him.

"Why are you here?" asked Sirius.

"I'm leaving," she said. Her chest went up and down, up and down again. "I am."

She opened the door and disappeared behind it in a second. Remus took the stupid pillow that was protecting their dignity and threw it into the door.

"We need to unpack that, Moony," Sirius whispered, "some time later."

They got each other off rather quickly and impatiently and used magic to clean themselves up. Down in the living room James was talking politics with Dumbledore, and Lily was nowhere to be found.

"Were you sleeping already? I am so very sorry to intrude that late in the night, my dears," Dumbledore said, apologetically, "But there is a rather urgent matter, you see. Your brother," Dumbledore nodded at Sirius, "Regulus is missing. The last time I was in contact with him was last week."

"I haven't seen my brother in years, headmaster."

"I know, my dear. There was a reason for that, of course. You see, your brother has been working for me for some years now."

"He did what again? Why didn't I know? There is a warrant for his arrest!"

"We had to keep it a secret, my boy. To bring down Voldemort and catch Death Eaters, we had to make sure no one knew about Regulus."

"The war has been over for a long time now."

"Has it? You know about Tom Riddle's soul, you really think it's over?"

Sirius didn't have an answer for that. Remus put his hand around Sirius's waist to give him some comfort and calm him down a bit.

"Regulus was to meet me today but he didn't show up. My Patronus is not able to find him either. Something's happened, I'm afraid."

"What was he doing for you?"

Dumbledore sighed. "The same thing all of you are doing. Searching for Horcruxes. You see, he is the one who told me about them in the first place."


	5. Chapter 5

**December 1983**

It was now almost two months since Regulus disappeared. Emergency Order meetings started happening more often, not with the same frequency as during the war but pretty close to that few first months after the death of the Dark Lord.

James was helping Moody with the investigation of some of the Lord's followers who were never arrested or prosecuted before. Everyone knew they were involved one way or another, there were always suspicions about them being Death Eaters but there were never enough evidence for the Ministry to act on. There was still no substantial evidence but the circumstances were changing. No one approved this investigation but it was happening nevertheless.

"You do realize you are being used, right?" Sirius asked once, watching James get ready for his so called work. "Dumbledore needed more Aurors on his side. He needed more people with Auror clearance."

"Your point?" James was irritated. "I'm not building a career, I am very well aware of that, Padfoot, thank you very much."

"You are playing with fire. And it's a different kind of fire, Prongs, not the one you are used to. War is war, helping the Order, fighting Voldemort and shit is not the same as taking on a Ministry job just to break all its fucking rules."

"We used to break the rules all the time when we were at Hogwarts."

"It is _not_ the same!"

Remus watched them stare at each other. They were both right, he thought, and he didn't know what to say to stop what felt like the start of a fight between them.

"Do you not want me to find your brother, then?" James asked.

"You are not looking for him. You are doing Merlin knows what abusing the power entrusted in you!"

"Is this what you think of me?"

"I think you and Wormtail are both idiots. You are doing what you've been told to do and you are not questioning it one bit."

James put on his hat and gloves. He looked at Remus briefly and then back at Sirius before storming out of his own house. It was some time in November, and ever since that morning there was something tense and unbearable in the air whenever Sirius and James were in the same room together.

They were still talking to each other but it just felt very different now. James wasn't asking Sirius to move out and he was okay with Sirius looking after Harry, but they now avoided spending the babysitting duty with each other.

"You agree with me that he is an idiot, don't you?" Sirius asked one night. Remus sighed.

"No, Padfoot, I don't."

"He has so much to loose, Moony. I'm just worried about him."

"I know that. I'm worried too."

"Regulus blindly trusted Dumbledore after blindly trusting our family and Voldemort, and now he is nowhere to be found. Digging up shit on people we think are Death Eaters won't get us anywhere close to finding my brother. What it can do, though, is get Prongs arrested. People don't believe the Dark Lord is coming back. Ministry doesn't think so. They won't give a fuck about all the right reasons James might have for using his clearance, position, and job title to conduct unauthorised investigation. Especially if it's of people who wield fair amount of power in our government."

Sirius was right about that. For sure, James was reckless, and he did indeed follow Dumbledore's orders, sometimes disguised as suggestions and advice, without properly thinking them through. Sirius never did that. After growing up in the Black household, he was now almost immune to orders.

"Dumbledore is using all of us, Padfoot," Remus said. "Whether you want to admit it or not, he recruited us when were barely out of school. We knew what it meant, and we agreed to follow him. You are much more thoughtful than Prongs when it comes to other people asking you to do something, anything, for them, but you are still being used. Just as James and Peter are, or I am. We are pawns, Pads. That was the deal we agreed to at eighteen."

They had these conversations too often now, the new routine. Remus was glad Dumbledore wasn't asking him to recruit werewolves anymore. Those days were over, thank Merlin. He wanted to believe he would tell Albus Dumbledore to fuck himself if the old man ever asked Remus to do this again, but deep down he was afraid he wouldn't dare to. Sirius would be able to say it instead of him, and that thought was comforting and amusing to Remus.

The new expertise Remus possessed due to his academic research on dark creatures was now more valuable to Dumbledore than whatever questionable diplomatic abilities Remus might've had. Secretly, he was hoping to land a job at Hogwarts at some point. Teaching the Defence Against Dark Arts was something he'd dream about as a kid. It would be years before something like this would become acceptable. Remus wanted to believe that one day werewolves wouldn't be as feared as they were.

Christmas was coming up, and a full moon a few days before that. Remus's bones were aching, and he was becoming needy and also tired of just existing. He was hungry all the time, which amused Harry for some reason. He would ask why Remus was eating so much and why he was moving as if he was ill, and wasn't he sick. Remus liked to hear Harry ask all this awkwardly posed questions.

Harry was becoming more and more talkative, and he was also catching on that something was wrong between his dad and Padfoot, so he'd ask Remus about that too. More often than not he'd just dump all these questions on Remus and then proceed telling him some story he either heard from one of them or made up himself, Remus was never sure about the origins of all these impossible tales.

That full moon wasn't as much fun as usual. The dog and the stag were glaring at each other almost all night, right until they finally stopped this nonsense and the dog licked the stag's nose. The stag playfully shoved his antlers into the dog's side, and the wolf hoped it meant the fight was over. The rat was tired and tried to fall asleep in the wolf's fur at least twice that night. 

In the morning Remus woke up with James's head curled on his chest. Remus didn't remember the transformation or how they got back to the house, but he was in his bed now, in his and Sirius's bed, with James instead of Sirius lying next to him.

James felt him stir and said in a hoarse voice: "Pads is with Dumbledore. In Albania, I think. They went to check a lead on Regulus," he waited for Remus to process this information. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Remus absent-mindedly put his hand on James's head and stroked his hair. The hair was short and it felt wrong. "Sorry," he said, pulling his hand away.

"'s okay, Moony. Want something?"

Remus chuckled. Sirius usually started the morning after the full moon with a blowjob. Not exactly a thing Remus could ask James for.

"Not to be rude, but what are you doing in bed with me?"

"Somebody had to be here when you woke up. Padfoot asked me to keep an eye on you."

"I don't think he meant it like this," Remus smiled.

"Details," James laughed. "Breakfast?"

Remus hummed in agreement. James used his wand to summon their breakfast from the kitchen. It looked like Lily prepared it for them and then left it there under the charm. The house was quiet to Remus's ears. James noticed him listening.

"Lily had classes early in the morning. Harry is with Longbottoms today. Peter went with Sirius."

"Why?"

"Being able to turn into a rat seems to be a deciding factor in these matters."

They ate quietly, sitting in bed. Remus was sleepy and tired and his body ached from head to toe. He was constantly in some kind of pain: either his body was in anticipation of an upcoming full moon or it was an aftermath of the transformation. The cuts he'd occasionally get during his time as a wolf were taking longer to heal as he got older. It drove him crazy sometimes.

Sirius knew the best way to deal with Remus's painful mornings after full moons. He'd soothe his pain and help his body relax. Remus knew Sirius had a good reason not to be here with him this morning but he still was a bit annoyed he had to deal with this without Sirius.

An idea came to his mind: there was still something literally anyone else could do to help him soothe the aching muscles. He looked up at James: "You any good at massages?"

"Um... Maybe? Lily never complained."

"Not that type, Prongs, the normal ones."

James laughed at him. "Dunno, you'd need to tell me how you like it," he winked at Remus, but then got serious. "You are in a lot of pain, aren't you?" 

"Well, not _a lot_. Not pain, exactly, just... it's like a stiffness in my muscles, some tugging feeling within my bones. It's everywhere, and it sucks."

"Okay, then. Tell me what to do."

Remus _accio_ -ed the bottle with his massage oil from the shelf and took off his t-shirt. "There is no special technique for this, Prongs. Just the usual motions, like kneading and tapping and all that," Remus laid down on his stomach. "Thank you for doing this."

He felt the oil on his skin and then James's hands carefully stroking his back. Remus wanted to tell him to apply more force, but then James started doing just that, and so Remus stayed silent. James didn't know as much about Remus's pain as Sirius did. He also knew nothing about Remus's body to tell what would feel good and what wouldn't do a thing. Remus realized that beside Sirius, no one knew these things about him.

"Guide me, Moony," James said, as if he could read Remus's mind.

"You are doing just fine, Prongs."

"Good. But tell me if you want something specific, okay? Like if it's your neck that needs my attention, or a shoulder, or whatever."

Time seized to exist. The pain in his back was going away, and even if it wasn't as pleasurable as with Sirius, it still felt good.

"Moony?"

"Mm?"

"You said it's everywhere."

"What?"

"It's not only your back that... I mean, it's your whole body that is aching, isn't it?"

Remus shivered. Sure, it wasn't just his back, but he wasn't going to ask James to—why would he? It would be too much.

"Take off your pajama bottoms."

Remus turned his head to look at James. "I'm sorry?" He felt himself blushing. No one but Sirius could talk to him like this.

"Fuck shyness. You need my help. This oil helps with your pain as much as whatever I do, and so you can't be dressed for this, right? Get out of you clothes, I'm pretty sure your legs are aching even more than your back."

Remus could not argue with this, James was right. Still, he hesitated.

"We'd lived in the same room for seven years, for Merlin's sake. I've seen you in every stage of undressed. Get on with it."

Remus turned on his back and undressed himself. He knew there was a chance of this getting really awkward, with him being only in his boxers and James's hands on his skin at all times. They looked at each other. James shrugged, unbothered.

A laugh escaped Remus's lungs. "Pads definitely did not mean for your help to be _this_ ," he gestured at James's hands massaging his ankle. That felt so fucking good.

"Does he get jealous? I'd always thought, you know, when we were younger, that he'd be a terrible possessive boyfriend, but with you, I've never actually noticed him being jealous at all."

Remus thought about James's question for a bit. "Prongs, if you want to talk about your, umm, preferences, we can do that. Don't do all this dancing around."

"No, I... I mean, I always want to talk about my shit, sure, but I've just been curious about the two of you. This," he nodded at Remus lying in front of him almost naked, "is a rather compromising situation if the context is unknown."

"He knows the context though."

"He does. Still, if he was to see us like this, how would he react?"

Remus absolutely did not expect this question. He did expect his body's reaction to that picture in his head though. His cheeks reddened. James's hands were going up his right leg, his fingers kneading the skin. The achy feeling in his bones was fading.

Remus thought about the times when Sirius would ask about Remus's fantasies in these past few months and Remus would be too shy to spell them out, so Sirius would come up with something of his own that he'd thought Remus would like. It wasn't new, they always liked to talk about their fantasies and desires, but ever since Remus figured out there were some weirdly specific things involving other people that turned him on, these talks took a new turn.

He was not entirely comfortable with this newly discovered part of himself. Sirius knew this and tried his best to ease Remus into talking about it. Sirius's attempts at fantasising about a situation that involved more than the two of them resulted in a few scenarios where he'd walk in on Remus being with someone else.

Remus couldn't possibly tell James that Sirius would be excited about this whole situation. Remus wished he'd drift into sleep already. His body liked what James was doing and it was an unknown territory and probably the one he should've never visit.

"Could you," Remus said, looking at James's hands getting too close to his crotch area, "could you maybe do something with my arms instead?"

James had the _audacity_ to smile at that. Remus's heart skipped a beat. He thought that there was something happening in this room between him and James. As if it escaped the realm of fantasies and decided to manifest itself in this strange situation between him and his _friend_. Remus wondered whether all this talk about falling for two people at once had anything to do with James's actions at this particular moment.

Remus felt conflicting emotions and thought conflicting thoughts. He was still not completely human, so maybe that explained a lot of this unbelieveable day. He better think how he is going to talk to Sirius about this.

James suddenly stopped the circular motions he was applying to Remus's upper arms. They stared at each other. "Shit, are you uncomfortable?" James asked finally. He seemed scared of something. Remus probably even knew what exactly it was. He did not answer because he honestly did not know what he was supposed to say, what he was supposed to feel. "Fuck, Moony, I overstepped, didn't I?"

Did he just realize that this situation was not exactly normal? Did he just notice how extremely sexual it was? Remus couldn't remember whether he noticed these things right away or much, much later. 

He was still looking for something to say when Sirius's Patronus entered the room: "Found Reg. We're at Hogwarts. Gonna be home in a few hours."

The Patronus was facing James, Remus noticed. It made him smile for some reason. "We'll talk later, Prongs, okay? I promise."

James nodded. Remus summoned the sleeping potion. He needed rest. The left side of his body was aching more than the right one, which was understandable: James didn't get a chance to massage his left leg and his left arm. This was his last thought before the sleep overtook him.


End file.
